Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Day 8, Trip 3 - Haiti Mission - An Attitude of Grattitude

“The presence of a caring person can have an actual, measurable effect on pain and healing.” - Dr. Paul Brand

Ok, let's just put it out there.....I've had a really tough week. I'm finding it hard to believe that Chris has only been gone a week, but I truly think it's because the week has been so incredibly difficult, first emotionally but then physically. My physical pain was dramatically decreased after therapy last Thursday, but came back with a vengence on Saturday when the rain moved in and it hit me.....HARD. I was exhausted and in pain for almost 4 days straight, which hasn't happened to me in a long time. Then, last night, my son got sick in the middle of the night so I was home another day caring for him.

Being that hindsight is always 20/20, I have to believe that one of the reasons that the pain was so intense was the pity party it caused me. I was alone. Chris had left, my boys were gone, and all of my friends have families and obligations of their own, which made me feel so alone. Just me and the pain. That's a really hard place to be. I have been blessed to be a part of an online bible study on the life of King David by Wendy Blight (www.wendyblight.com) and on Monday, she talked about the Dark Nights of the Soul that David went through. It has been a great and powerful study at this time of my life, to see that the man classified as a man after God's own heart went through dark times and times of feeling abandoned and alone. It's how we react to that darkness that's important. So many times I have turned to the words, advice, hugs, and reassurance of my friends here on earth and sometimes that's our downfall. Sometimes those are the times that God wants desperately for us to bring our heartache to Him and not to anyone else. Last week was one of those times and I reached out to validate some of the emotions I was feeling. What I should have done was take everything and all of my suffering to the Lord.

That brings me to today. Today I am in a place where I am just thankful. Thankful for the reminder that God has placed wonderful giving people in my life in the physical absence of my husband. Thankful that my husband is checking in on me and our family daily if not more to make sure everyone is safe and healthy. Thankful that I have friends that are being and doing the things that I have normally been leaning on Chris to do, like rental property maintenance and running to the store to buy some Sprite for my sick son.

Most of all, thankful that I have a Savior. Not just a savior, but a friend, a lover, a therapist, a healer. That in the midst of all that this life can throw at me, there is one who knows me better than I know myself and is calling me to know Him more. The One who cries out to me to spend time with him and wants to comfort me when there is no one else around to do it. My Great Physician who continues to ordain days of rest when I would otherwise push myself to do more than my human body will allow. Who reminds me that He has a plan and that if I will just wait....just be patient....that it will all come together and I....we as a family....will be blessed by the service and sacrifice that we're continuing to go through.

“Jesus did not come to explain away suffering or remove it. He came to fill it with His Presence.” - Paul Claudel

Oh Lord, help me to keep this attitude....that I may thank you more and worry about myself less.

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