Saturday, August 14, 2010

Day 14, Part 2 - Haiti Mission - Anticipating the Quiet

"Listen in silence, because if your heart is full of other things you cannot hear the voice of God." ~Mother Teresa, "No Greater Love"

I have a hard time quieting myself. My mind is always racing in one direction or, work, business, house, dogs, friends, T.V., etc. I attempted to quiet my mind when I was in the shower last night, but it seemed like only a matter of seconds, maybe only one second, before my mind was worrying about other things. Last night, it was medicine, sickness, laundry....all before I could even stop and realize that my mind had wandered away from the "silence" I was trying so hard to obtain. We're a nation overwhelmed with media, responsibilities, and expectations.

When I was in college I got into the habit of falling asleep with the T.V. on. When I look back on that time in my life, I realize that I started leaving the T.V. on at night because I didn't WANT the silence and I didn't want to be left with my thoughts. Sometimes memories and life is painful, and I used the noise and activity of the T.V. to drowned out the things I didn't want to deal with. I would not recommend this to anyone. It didn't teach me to cope with my emotions very well and it's been an uphill battle to re-teach myself some very important coping skills since that time. Even though I feel I've made great strides in how I cope with my emotions, I still find that I leave the T.V. on at night, which I think is more out of habit now than actually needing it.

My husband bought me the book "No Greater Love" By: Mother Teresa for my birthday this year. At first I kind of did a mental eye-roll, which was really inappropriate of me. Of all the missionary hearts I should be exploring, wouldn't I want to know the thoughts and experiences of Mother Teresa? But I picked it up for the first time about a week ago and's been awesome. I haven't read much, but what I have read has really hit home with me for things that my heart has been yearning to work on. What I'm realizing now is that I'm lacking the "quiet" in my quiet time with the Lord.

So, though it may not seem like a lot to some people, beginning at midnight, I will be computer free for 24 hours. I have had my computer on 24/7 since Chris has been gone, as I always want to be available if he needs or wants to communicate with me. God is telling me to stop being preoccupied with that. He wants more fasting from media and more turning to Him. It may seem insignificant, but for me it's a baby step towards obedience.

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